Aug 23, 2019
911, what’s the nature of your emergency?
Ashlie: Welcome back to another episode of Tactical Living by LEO Warriors. I'm your host, Ashlie Walton.
Clint: And I’m your co-host Clint Walton.
Ashlie: In today's episode, we're going to talk about the difficulties that officers might face when their family members or the family members of their spouse let's just say… live alternative lifestyles. So just sit back, relax and enjoy today's content. Now, I have five brothers. I'm the only girl. And at one point or another most of my brothers have done things that let's just say Clint’s career wouldn't quite align with. And there have been many times where we've had to completely avoid family gatherings. There have been other situations where we use a lot of deliberate thought in what we involve ourselves in and what we don't what types of things we talk about. The limitations on discussions with other people who might not share those same lifestyles in our family but we know we wouldn't want that information shared with those people that do lead that lifestyle directly. So Clint, I just want to know your viewpoint as an officer on some of the struggles that you faced and knowing that some of my brothers have done things that we both don't agree with and that we know the law also does not agree with.
Clint: You know some of the hardest factors
involved with this is just shutting ourselves out from it where
it's hard to either cut those people out or limit your contact with
anybody. For me it's always been with your brothers in specific.
It's kind of been hard because I knew you had such a close
relationship with them growing up and in saying that it's we still
see your brothers in a safe environment where we know they're not
conducting illegal or illicit activities for the most part and
we're not put in a situation to where we just go out and hang out
with them on a regular basis either. So those hardships that I’ve
been presented with is one I feel you can't have the relationship
with your family members that I knew you wish you could have. And
so because of my line of work it's kind of forced you to not have
that relationship. And we've talked about that over and over again
over the years we've been married and I know it doesn't affect you
to the way that I think it used to. Because you've kind of accepted
the fact of we can't just go out and be with your brother so to
Ashlie: And I would have to argue to your point a little bit, because I mean I have my own choice in it. I've never, I mean luckily I’ve never gone down that path of feeling that I need to abuse substances in order to feel like I’m sustaining in life in some way and that path that some of my brothers are on, you know this is something that I didn't just start when you and I got together. This is a road that they decided to take long before that even happened and the dynamics of our relationship certainly has changed in terms of what we allow ourselves to be a part of. As you were speaking one thing that came to mind is we would never even being be in a vehicle with some of my brothers. Because we would literally need to search the home in order to feel comfortable with having them in one of our vehicles. And we certainly wouldn't feel comfortable with having them drive us.
Clint: I can only imagine telling your brother
to grab the back of my truck while I searched him.
Ashlie: Yeah. So we can go out to
Clint: Yeah exactly.
Ashlie: And I mean that sounds funny but it's
really sad actually. Because I do I love my brothers and they are
very well aware of where I stand as it pertains to the alternative
lifestyle that they live. And yet they've never done anything but
show me an endless amount of respect. And in thinking about it,
it's actually humbling the fact that they have such an acceptance
and an understanding for the variation in lifestyles that we live
based on the fact that number one, I don't do drugs and number two,
that I’m married to a police officer. And there are boundaries
there. Any time that there's ever been a situation where maybe they
have had to be interjected into my world. They've always been
respectful and cognizant of the fact that the answer might be
Clint: And I do have to say we're extremely
fortunate with your brother's response to my profession and to us
and everything the respect that they've shown us. Because I know of
other people who their brothers sisters family members call them,
hey can you get me out of this. And they've definitely never tried
Ashlie: Yeah and I think if anything they've
come to you in particular with questions of guidance. And you know
inevitably when you're involved in any kind of criminal activity be
it a substance abuse problem or what have you. Eventually the law
is going to catch up with you. And that's happened with my
brothers and they have maybe in some aspect they've been
uncomfortable coming to pose these questions. But they've still
gotten up the courage to reach out to you and to ask for guidance
and help with certain situations that they're in. And this has
never been a beating around the bush. Like how can I avoid this.
Helped me hide myself. This is always like sound legal questions or
questions about how the legal process works or what to expect and
you've always been really forthcoming with them in answering those
Clint: Yeah and the questions always have been very direct and just asking me so what can I expect now and I’m able to articulate it to him.
Ashlie: And I’m grateful that we still have
that open line of communication. It's not like I’ve shut them out
and they're not in my life at all. As I said I love them and
especially after my mom died and you know the family dynamics are
unique when you're growing up in a home with five brothers and
you're the only girl. So doing things like Christmas holidays and
things like that. It's important to me to still be that female
figure for them and my little brother has a four year old son and I
know how important it is for my little brother to have his son
experience what the female side of life is in our world because
it's not very big. There was my mom and I. So we do, we have them
over for holidays. We make the rules very clear. They know that one
wrong move will result in us asking them to leave. But we don't
focus on that during those times. We pretend like that doesn't
exist. We don't even have to pretend, it doesn't even take
intention. Because that level of respect is there that we're all
able to just enjoy ourselves.
Clint: Yeah we don't have to follow your brothers around the house thinking that they're doing something wrong or because of that respect factor that is there.
Ashlie: Yeah I mean the other side of that is we're not naive. We know that that possibility could exist like if they were to, I don't know let's just say they stole something from us. They don't have a history of that, I’m not saying they ever would do that. But we're not naive to the fact that those types of things exist not in my brothers, but in addiction and being able to set that aside and to still have my brothers in my life to the extent that I’m comfortable with and Clint to the extent that you're comfortable with, it's still not easy. We don't call each other all the time. It's usually them reaching out to me first when they need something or they have a question. I'll admit that. But it's not the brother sister relationships that I see that most other people have. There's some envy that I have in there. There's some envy in that because it's not me that created that sort of relationship. It's based on their decisions and their choices in life that have really made no other choice but for me to have that guard up to some extent. But we make it work. And I think being in a family of law enforcement it's important to really have those guards up and to know that you're putting yourself at an increased risk and liability based on your profession if you're just leaving it all open and you're taking things to chance. Like I can run through a million different scenarios. If we didn't have those guards up. Like somebody grabbing your gun or you know there are things or stories you create in your head.
Clint: And it's funny you said that because I
was just going to say you know, that is one thing we do before any
family gathering such as that. Put all the guns in the safe instead
of just lying around the house.
Ashlie: Like normal.
Clint: We do. We go through we do this roundup
of making sure everything is put away. But that's just another
point that we're trying to make is having that ability to be
cognizant of the fact that you don't want to lay it all on the line
and make it easy.
Ashlie: And I just want to point out as you listen that I know so many families be them in law enforcement or not that have somebody or multiple people in their family that struggle with drug addiction. It's not easy. It's not an easy battle, because your family doesn't turn out the way that you always thought it would. Maybe it's not the way that it was when you guys were kids. But that doesn't mean that it has to go away completely. I hate drug addiction more than many things and that's because of how much I’ve experienced it as a byproduct of the people around me that I love being faced with those types of addictions. But no matter how much I despise that, my brothers are the only bloodline that I have. It's just me and them and going forward as you listen if there's not one person in your life that maybe you don't even talk to anymore, maybe you don't talk to you because you've gotten so fed up with their addiction and the way that they acted and treated you. I would challenge you to consider how you can still have some sort of relationship with them that still creates that bond and keeps that link open. But that makes you comfortable enough to know that you're the one taking charge of how that relationship looks. And when you're able to still allow the people that you love into your life to some extent especially as you get older, it allows you to know that you still have a family that's there and you're not alone. When you know you're not alone and you're able to take ownership of the things that you still want because you know that you have control over them. Then you're really able to enjoy your Tactical Living.
Balance. Optimize. Tactics.
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